Are you ready, kids?

- (All) Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

- (All) Aye, aye, Captain!

- # Ohh... #

# Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? #

- (All) SpongeBob SquarePants!

- # Absorbent and yellow and porous is he #

- (All) SpongeBob SquarePants!

- # If nautical nonsense be something you wish #

- (All) SpongeBob SquarePants!

- # Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish #

- (All) SpongeBob SquarePants! - Ready?

- (All) SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

-SpongeBob

SquarePants!

(Laughing)

(MUSIC)

(WAVES CRASHING)

(MUSIC)

-(Baby cooing)

-Oh! -(Laughing)

-(Screaming)

I can't see!

I can't see!

-(TIRES SCREECH) -(Both screaming)

-Mama! Papa! No!

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

-(Both) Whoa!

-(TIRES SQUEAL) -(Both screaming)

Bikini Bottom's long-awaited dynamite factory

-is now open! -Look out!

-Huh?

-(Both) Whoa!

(Both) Oh, phew.

(Both scream)

Hey, Mrs. Puff, I can see your house from up here.

Huh?

(QUIRKY MUSIC)

(Sighs)

Look at that. You saved me a commute.

Just let yourself out.

Well, if you're sure...

See you tomorrow, Mrs. Puff!

# La-la-la-la-la #

Maybe he really is unteachable.

I give up.

No, Puff, not yet.

You're a driving instructor!

Instructing that boy is your duty.

You just need a little guidance.

(CALM MUSIC)

(PHONE RINGING)

-The universe greets you.

Allow me to guide your celestial vessel.

-SpongeBob...

driving...

me...

crazy!

-(Yelps)

Oh, Mrs. Puff.

Perhaps it would help

if you find a way to be with SpongeBob

without being with SpongeBob, hmm?

Okay.

Feel free to annoy me for money again soon.

Goodbye.

(Grunts)

Ah...

Less stress.

-Being with SpongeBob...

without being with SpongeBob.

(Groans) But how?

(Grunts)

(Breathes deeply)

-(HARMONIOUS MUSIC PLAYS) -Huh?

Where is that music coming from?

A submarine?

That gives me an idea.

(Grunts)

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

-(Humming)

-I knew it!

Where there are sailors, there are always potatoes.

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)

(Grunting)

-Huh? Qu'est-ce que c'est?

-(Grunting)

There. That should do it.

# La-la-la-la-la # Huh?

Gah! # La-la-la-la-la #

(Panting)

# La-la-la-la-la #

(Grunts) D'oy!

Oh, Mrs. Puff!

It's been so long! Did you miss me?

Oh, yes, SpongeBob.

I missed you so much.

It's so good to see you...

from here.

Ooh! Did you get a new hat?

It really brings out all your eyes.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(Laughs)

All right...

Time to focus on the road, my excellent little noodle.

Oh! I must live up to your noodle-spectations!

(TIRES SQUEALING)

(Grunts)

How was that?

That was very good.

Okay, take a right here.

Now keep going right.

Feels right to me! (Laughs)

Ah, yes, it does.

Now I can catch up on my stories.

-Oh, Dwayne.

The only thing I've ever loved...

-(BELL RINGS) -Is a skull-cracking smackdown!

-(Grunts) -(Cheering)

-That's right!

-(STATIC WHIRS) Keep going right?

All right. Um, yeah.

Sure, SpongeBob.

Boy, I really feel like I'm getting the hang

of this turning-right thing.

Hey, this is the longest I've ever driven without crashing.

(Grunts) Huh?

Oh. There's none left.

-(STATIC WHIRS) -Left.

Left? But I'm still working on right.

Do you really think I'm ready?

-(STATIC WHIRS) -Yeah!

Oh, okay, if you think so.

(TIRES SQUEALING)

(HORN BLARES)

Oh! (Chuckles)

Sorry about that.

(Screams)

-(TIRES SQUEAL) -Whoa!

Huh.

Some people will do anything to use the carpool lane.

Huh? Uh-oh.

(Screaming)

(Grunts)

(POPCORN POPPING)

(MICROWAVE BEEPS)

(GRUNTING AND CHEERING ON TV)

(HORN HONKS)

-Oh, SpongeBob?

Your driving is immaculate.

Just keep turning right.

Oh, I'm great at that.

(All giggling)

-(TIRES SQUEALING) -(All screaming)

Wow!

Whoa! (STATIC WHIRS)

Keep that righty nice and tight-y.

Tightening my rightening.

(ALARM RINGING)

(All screaming)

(All laughing)

-This is the most fulfilling day

I've ever had as a teacher.

Mmm. (Chokes)

-(STOPLIGHT DINGS) -Bleh!

(Choking and coughing) Uh-oh.

Swallowed a bug, huh? (Choking and coughing)

-Attention all units...

Major traffic violations in progress.

(Gasps) Please pursue

as fast as possible.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(Gasps)

(SIREN WAILING)

This must be an advanced lesson.

(TIRES SQUEAL)

(SIRENS WAILING)

Huh? (Panting)

(SIREN WAILING)

-Hey, that's him... The jerk with the spud!

Let's get him, boys!

-Ooh! -(SIREN WAILING)

-(All growling) -(Panting)

(SIREN WAILING)

-(Both) Ah!

-This historic dynamite factory

has been open for one entire day with no accidents.

-Isn't that amazing? -(SIREN WAILING)

-Huh?

(SIREN WAILING)

-(STATIC WHIRS) -Breaker, breaker, Cabin Boy.

Hard to port. Oh, a 10-4, Mrs. Puff!

(TIRES SQUEAL)

(Panting)

-(All screaming)

-I'm gettin' too old for this.

-(Grunting)

-(All screaming)

(CLIMACTIC JAZZ MUSIC)

-(Grunting and screaming)

-We interrupt "Headlocks and Heartbreaks"

with an emergency news bulletin.

High-speed sponge terrorizes Bikini Bottom

with potato prisoner...

Last seen pursued by band of bandit bikers

along Kraken Avenue.

Who knows where he may strike next?

-Wha...

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

-My leg!

-Uh, SpongeBob?

Gah! Hello?

Hello?

Oh, Neptune.

Enough of this leisure wig.

Time for the pursuit wig!

(Screams)

(Grunts)

(Screaming)

(SIREN WAILING)

I'm a driving instructor,

and I'm commandeering this vehicle!

-I can dig it, mohawk mama.

-(Grunts)

(TIRE SQUEALS)

(SIREN WAILING)

(TIRES SCREECH)

(Screams) Turn around!

Ooh, whatever you say!

Whoa!

(Laughing)

Phew.

-(All growling)

-Oh, dear.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(Grunting)

(Gasps) Mrs. Puff!

You've been mashed!

(Cries)

Ahem.

Huh? She's alive!

Oh, you sure are resilient, Mrs. Puff.

From now on, SpongeBob, I'll uphold my duty

as your driving instructor to keep you safe on the road.

Mm.

-(Grunts) -(All grumbling)

(HARD ROCK MUSIC)

-(Gasps) Wait a minute!

You're Puff the Tuff!

Will you sign my cast?

-Oh. -I love you!

-(Laughing) -What a legend!

-Oh, hi, boys.

(SIRENS WAILING)

-Looks like you got things under control here.

Let's scram!

-(Sighs) I know the drill.

(CALYPSO MUSIC)

So...

what are you in for?

(Sighs)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

(Whistling)

(Humming)

Nice work, boy-o.

She looks cleaner than a freshly scraped hull.

Oh, hello, Mr. Krabs, I... (Gasps)

Your feet!

Hmm?

(Shivering)

Whew! That was close.

You almost tracked goo all over your nice, clean restaurant.

(Chuckles) Good save, huh?

(Groans)

Huh?

Hmm...

Oh, looks like this puddle here is the culprit.

Don't worry, Mr. K.,

I'll have her cleaned up in no time.

Hmm... Aha!

(ENGINE REVVING)

(Gargling)

Okay, you just pour this in here, and...

Huh? (Screams)

"It's a beautiful day," you said.

"Why not do some evil science outside?" you said.

SpongeBob!

What in Neptune's navel are you doing?

Oh, sorry, Plankton.

I was just cleaning up this goo puddle for Mr. Krabs.

That doesn't look like goo.

It looks like oil.

Holy moly, Karen!

We're sittin' on a mountain of moolah!

(Screaming)

That oil's mine, you hear?

My employee found it, and besides,

it's on me property!

Not so fast, Krabs.

That's my oil,

and it's on my property!

-(Both grunting)

(Both growl)

-Mmm. Actually, you're both wrong.

It's not oil at all.

-(Both) It's not?

According to my analysis,

it's a combination of Krabby Patty grease

and Chum runoff,

which your two restaurants have been leaking

into the ground for decades.

-So it's just worthless old grease?

-I wouldn't call it "worthless."

It has a high viscosity index

and impressive flavor-imparting characteristics.

So its "worthful"?

Yes, however,

the deposit appears to be evenly split

between your restaurants.

Well, Plankton, looks like

if we want to make a lot of money...

We'll have to do it as...

(Both groan) (Both) Partners.

-Come on, Krabs.

There's got to be some use for this stuff we can agree on.

Mm, let's sell it to the military!

Imagine... Fuel for flamethrowers,

lubricant for killer robots,

bombs that smell like French fries!

(Laughs)

-(All) Mmm.

We'll use it to boost business at The Krusty Krab...

a flavorful new sandwich topping

a savory new milkshake,

and a lovely new scent for the restrooms.

(All sniffing)

-Oh, no!

We're not using my grease to drive customers

to your restaurant!

Oh, you... Why, I ought to...

-(Both grunting)

Oh, gosh, I don't see why you need to find just one use

for this stuff.

I started using it for everything.

What? Huh?

Toothpaste,

bodywash, deodorant,

shoe polish,

all-night face mask,

Gary's breakfast,

my own breakfast.

It even cured my bursitis!

What I mean is,

if you can use it for anything,

why not sell it for everything?

(CASH REGISTER BELL DINGS)

Not bad.

Well, we better get some customers here, Eugene.

I was up all night painting that sign.

Have a little faith, Plankton.

(Gasps)

Behold, the lunch rush!

(Humming)

-(Both scream)

-Whoa!

-(All groaning)

(Giggles)

Time to get to work! (Laughs)

-(Babies crying)

-(Screams)

-Pardon me, ma'am, but how about some

Dr. Krabton's Miracle Everything Juice

to quiet the little angels? (Grunts)

-(Sighs)

(Grunts) Hmm...

-(Groans)

Why, Dr. Krabton can fix up your boat for you!

See?

There you go. Good as new.

Say, it really works!

Three cheers for Everything Juice!

-(All) Hooray!

-(Indistinct chatter) -We'll take one!

-(Excited chatter)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

-Look at all this cash, Krabs!

We're rich! Not rich enough.

We got to take our show on the road!

(BOAT BEEPING)

All right, Plankton.

Let a real salesman show you how it's done.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Eugene? What a surprise.

Uh, we don't have a lunch date today, do we?

Not with me. Your date today is with value.

Suppose I told you there was one product

that could fuel all your boats...

(ENGINES REV) Reinvigorate

old lighthouse paint jobs... (Grunts)

And even cover up those... (Clears throat)

Maturation lines around your eyes.

Plank.

How dare you?

Give me ten bottles.

-You did pretty good back there, Krabs.

But now it's time to watch a master!

Ooh, gladly. (DOORBELL RINGS)

Let me know when he gets here. (Laughs)

-Howdy. -Greetings, Sandra.

I am here to tell you about our latest invention.

It'll fertilize your lawn.

(Grunts goofily)

Polish your dome glass...

Oh.

(Hums) (Chirping)

-And give even your oldest nuts that fresh-picked shine!

(Snickers)

(Grunts)

It's Dr. Krabton's Miracle Everything Juice!

(FANFARE PLAYS)

-I ain't some hayseed, Plankton.

I'm a scientist.

I don't believe in miracles.

-Well, but it can also keep oxygen machines running

in top shape!

-Huh...

(MACHINE WHEEZING AND COUGHING)

Well, I do like breathin'.

I'll take a whole case!

This door-to-door stuff's taking too long.

We got to go big! How big?

Musical big!

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)

(Crowd oohing)

# Hey, there, mister, would you like to know #

# About a very a special something #

# That makes all your problems go away? #

What is it?

It's Everything Juice. What?

# Hey, there, madam, can I help you out #

# With those false teeth of yours #

# It must be very hard to shout hooray #

(Screams) # For Everything Juice #

# Can it make my voice sound much more creepy? #

Probably. # Will it fix the smell #

# Of my pet Kiki? #

Buy it and see! Indeed!

# Hey, there, son, looks like you might need #

# To find some slickening solution #

# So your marbles can get up to speed today #

Try Everything Juice!

# Pardon me, but I see you chose #

# Not to trim that rather lengthy hair #

# Protruding from your nose, but that's okay #

With Everything Juice!

-How much does it cost? Quite a lot!

-(CASH REGISTER BELL DINGS) -I don't care.

Give me everything you've got.

-(Both) # Yes, my friends, this is the greatest stuff #

# It's a wonder, it's a miracle #

# You just can't have enough #

# So we say hey #

# Get some today #

# There's no excuse #

# Everyone needs Everything Juice #

-(Crowd clamoring)

(CASH REGISTER BELL DINGS)

A million one, a million two,

a million three.

Eugene, is this what friendship feels like?

Perhaps it is, Sheldon. Perhaps it is.

(Both) Money fight! (Giggling)

-(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) -Huh?

-(All yelling)

Hey! What are you all doing in here?

(All yelling)

-We are unsatisfied customers!

Just look at what your grease did to my air!

-(Yelling continues)

-(All) Ew.

-Your grease gave me pink eye!

Well, at least your... (Clears throat)

Maturation lines are gone.

(Grunts)

I'll take two more bottles.

-No more!

You two have ruined the whole town!

-(All) We want our money back!

-Huh? (Chuckles nervously)

(Whimpers)

(Sighs) I knew you would mess this up.

You always mess things up.

Me?

I'm not the one who came up with that lousy song.

(Grunting)

(PUMP WHEEZES)

Must be running low on grease.

Oh, well, it wasn't me who sold it

as fire extinguisher recharging fluid.

All right, all right.

But I'm not the one who sold it

as acne treatment to high schoolers.

Oh, but you did market it as drinkable vitamins!

That's it!

This friendship is over!

We are mortal enemies once more!

Fine by me!

I don't want to see you ever again, ever!

(DOORS SLAM)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

Whoa, whoa. (Screams)

(Groans)

This is all your fault!

You trapped us in here!

Oh, I wish I'd never met you!

That goes double for me!

Oh, boy!

The three best friends buried alive together forever,

and it's all thanks to...

# Everything Juice #